While I like the new area I moved my family to and I do feel it is a better place to raise my boys than where we were living before, being new in a pseudo-regional mountain area as opposed to the city is not an ideal situation when you find yourself suddenly single. I needed to build a network in my new area and sooner rather than later. I’m quite comfortable in my own company, but I prefer it when it’s a choice and not when it comes with a lead-weight feeling of isolation, so I hit Google and attempted to find myself some places to be when the boys are with their dad.
It took me a few weeks to find an event that both interested me and suited my free time schedule – a new moon meditation and healing using crystal singing bowls. I’d been looking for something in the yoga/meditation direction given my recent life changes and current need for a bit of self-focus and this sounded perfect. It had the added bonus of falling on a Friday night, and for some reason going home to an empty house on a Friday night is the worst part of being single for me and I really do work hard at trying to avoid it. If I don’t have any place to be I’ll head down to the gym, put headphones on, crank up some energising music and jump on the treadmill until blissful exhaustion overtakes that almost physical pang of emptiness and loneliness.
I didn’t really know what to expect at the sound healing session but I have to say it exceeded all expectations. The beautiful sound swirled around the large studio and I felt completely immersed in it. I left feeling uplifted, energised and peaceful at the same time. During what I tend to think of as the ‘death throws’ of my relationship I had started drinking a lot more than usual, not enough to be a problem, just one or two every day, but they were a necessary one or two every day and I wasn’t comfortable with my growing dependency. Since the session however I have found I naturally have started to lean away from the alcohol and junk food and my natural leanings towards good, nourishing choices is returning.
I was prepared to start becoming mentally strict with myself, imposing self-discipline to overcome these negative habits and indulgences in order to restore my physical and spiritual energy based self, but it was like I had bypassed that mental process. I felt like the sound healing had worked on my energy body directly and the physical effect flowed naturally in response, all I need to do was go with it and nurture it. Mental discipline is hard, this was definitely much easier!
I spent some time wondering how I could bring more of this sort of sound healing into my life on a more regular basis. I had previously asked Mr Z to put a Tibetan singing bowl on my Christmas list but now that wasn’t going to happen I decided to do it for myself and I went out this weekend in search of my own bowl. I really enjoyed the process of search for one, listening to many different shapes and sizes and choosing the right one for me. It now sits on my bedside table and when I feel that creeping sense of unease as to my potentially empty and lonely future, I pick it up and I focus on running the wooden mallet smoothly around the rim to allow it’s beautiful sound to envelop and sooth my soul. It’s such a beautiful mindful activity.
Just quietly, I have this feeling that something really good is waiting for me just around the corner. I keep catching glimpses of something in the corner of my mind, like memories of a dream fading away that you just can’t quite catch hold of, and there is a little, growing sense of anticipation. I feel like something is quietly knocking at the door and all I need to do is work on me, keep my thoughts and energy positive, push away those nagging fears that keep trying to take over my mind and clear space in my life to let it in.
There’s a new chapter being written, and that’s exciting.